“Every criticism you receive from others tells you more about them, than about you”
This is the phrase that stuck with me from a WomenTech Network event, where Laura Kiehne gave a powerful speech about the intersection of voice, authority, and authenticity in leadership.
Why knowing the difference matters
Feedback is essential for growth, right? We all know how important it is to hear other people’s perspectives on our work to understand how we can improve and keep developing.
But there is a difference between constructive feedback, that helps us grow, and criticism that turns into judgment and shuts us down.
When someone critiques your voice, your leadership style, or your presence: is it really about you? Or is it about their own perception of authority and confidence? Harsh words often reflect the speaker’s own reality, their biases, their discomfort, their story.
How to recognize judgment disguised as feedback
This doesn’t mean we should ignore feedback, but when receiving it, and especially when it hurts deeply, we can ask ourselves:
→ Is this critique about me, or about their expectations?
→ Does this feedback align with what I know to be true about myself?
→ Is this something I want to take in and work on, or is it something to let go of?
As a coach, I see this often: fear of judgment holds people back – from speaking up, from making bold choices, from showing up fully as themselves.
From reaction to reflection: taking back control
But when we shift our perspective, we take back control:
- we stop outsourcing our value to others’ opinions
- we reclaim our ability to choose what values we lead by and how we define success
- we start showing up with intention, not out of fear of rejection
Taking back control means leading from within and aligning with our truth and values, instead of shrinking to fit someone else’s expectations.
ASK YOURSELF
– How do I usually respond to feedback that feels personal or harsh?
– What’s one belief about myself that came from someone else’s judgment? Is it really true?
– What truth do I want to hold onto, regardless of others’ opinions?
Photo by Silvia Foglia
